


Water Gets Me Wet

by casstayinmyass



Category: 18th Century CE RPF, American Revolution RPF, I Made America (Web Series)
Genre: Canon Continuation, Fish out of Water, Fluff and Humor, Gen, John Is Too Pure, Madison Is Smol, Poor Thomas, Water and Water Parks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 19:06:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,616
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9285842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/casstayinmyass/pseuds/casstayinmyass
Summary: The founders, on an excursion to Virginia from Chicago, spend the day at the water park- Water Country, USA. The usual hilarity ensues.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I should be writing final essays, but instead, I am writing breathtaking sentences like, ""Aghast, a snack bar!" Benjamin Franklin gasped." 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy. I love this series, and wish it had a season 2.
> 
> ((If no one remembers, Caroline is Washington's coworker he started a relationship with. Also, this can be read as an IMA fic or a legit founding fathers fic))

“Ah! Behold this nautical wonderland!” Benjamin exclaimed, taking in a deep breath of fresh, chlorinated air, “What magic this is!”

“More like a seafaring prison,” Thomas grumbled, squinting from the beating sun.

“You do not find merriment in our expedition to the great Water Country?”  Ben replied, and the Virginian sighed, shrugging half-heartedly.

“As you know full well, Franklin, I love to read in my down time, and I cannot do so under such… _damp_ circumstances.”

“But that is the fun of such a place, is it not, Jefferson?!” John grinned, looking around with childlike wonder, “It takes me back to a time when I would splash around gaily in the river! Ah, the summer days in rural Massachusetts…”

Ben clapped a hand on his shoulder, smiling at his fellow statesman’s wistfulness. “I, too, have fond memories of maritime activities- today shall be grand, even if we cannot seem to bring Thomas to a smile.”

“Hmph,” Jefferson grumbled, and Ben’s eyes suddenly lit up.

“Aghast, what glory is this?! There is a snack bar!”

Meanwhile, Washington and Hamilton set up the towels under an umbrella, James Madison cowering behind a nearby tree, rubbing lotion up his arms and face.

“Stop applying all that sunscreen,” Alexander complained to the small man.

"Why?" James snapped, looking up, "It's not like you're going to use it!" Alexander shrugged, splaying himself suggestively across the soft grass.

"That's because I don't _need_ it. I've got naturally sun kissed skin, perks of growing up on an island."

"Hamilton," George said sternly, "Would you be so kind as to remove yourself from the ground I intend to place our towels upon?"

Alexander rolled his eyes, but heaved himself up, going over to James.

"Truly, you're pasty enough as it is, sir."

"And quite content to remain so," James replied shakily, staring up at the sun through the umbrella, "I don't know how these modern folk can s-sit out in this sun all day."

"I'm told it's called tanning," George interrupted, smiling, "And I intend to do much of it this day." With that, the general removed his white park robe to reveal-

"What in the good Lord's name is that article of underclothing?" Thomas shuddered, approaching with the others.

"And where did you find it?" Ben smirked with a raised eyebrow, shoving poptarts in his mouth.

"Is it a loincloth of some sort?" John pondered, perplexed as he examined the clothing closely.

"Behold, gentlemen- the speedo," George beamed, standing proudly, and Thomas scratched his head.

"Peculiar."

"Tasteful," Ben shrugged, quirking his head.

"Disturbing," Alexander shuddered from his place taking over the towel, "Although I'm quite certain _I_ could pull it off."

"The lad behind the desk at the confectionary and collectibles shop informed me that these are in fashion this day and age!" George informed them.

"Yes, and I have a hunch this lad behind the desk is currently having quite the chuckle at your expense, your Excellency," Alexander deadpanned. Washington frowned, and John stood up fully to reassure him.

"This... _speedo_ is, eh... suitably becoming to your, ehm... strapping form!" he encouraged, and Benjamin began to nod along.

"Yes, yes, the... nation's flag flies especially well plastered upon your-"

"Colossal Curl!" John suddenly shouted, hopping up, "Look, behind you- the Colossal Curl attraction appears to be open!"

"What are we waiting for, then?" Washington boomed, "Men- with me!" James peeked his head out from behind the tree, and ran over to where the third president lay on his stomach, opening his book.

"Thomas, would you permit me to... use your shadow to shield my body from the sun?"

Thomas nodded, turning a page. "Of course, James. I'm not going anywhere."

Up on what seemed like the three hundredth step of the staircase leading to the ride, Benjamin began to puff. "I grow wearier with every step," he murmured, and bit his lip. "Go on without me, and I shall continue the journey alone."

"It's all those poptarts," Alexander muttered.

"Nay," John said, putting an amiable hand on Ben's shoulder and squeezing, "We will never, _ever_ leave a comrade behind." He looked up, straightening. "Let this be heard of us upon this day, and all the days to come- united we ride, divided we sink." Ben teared up, smiling at John.

"Thank you, my friend."

"Join us in the glory of conquering our first "slide" of the day," George nodded softly, offering his hand. John offered his other hand.

"And forever, we will be known as those who taught the great Colossal Curl who it shall rightly kneel bef-!"

"Hey, um... are you guys gonna ride, or...?" the pretty lifeguard interrupted, staring at them expectantly.

"Gadzooks," Benjamin whispered, in awe of her radiant eyes.

"My word," Alexander grinned, eyes settling unabashedly on her breasts in the red bikini she had on.

"Goodness me!" George murmured, swallowing. John just nodded to her politely.

"Well?!" the lifeguard, whose nametag read Caroline, snapped, and the four reluctantly shuffled up to the slide, nodding sheepishly. Attempting to all climb into a tiny tube together, she put up a hand. "Nah nah, nice try, single rider." They all looked around in confusion, and got back out.

"I'll go first, because I'm the best," Alexander announced, but John firmly grabbed the back of the bastard's neck, dragging him back.

"How dare you, good sir? The very man who America has to thank for independence stands among us, and you claim precedence over this slide? I think _not_!"

"I invented the rocking chair, I should go first," Benjamin sniffed.

"Jefferson invented the swivel chair, that doesn't mean _he_ gets to eat the first cookie at home," Alexander sulked.

"I'll have no partisan fighting in my name," Washington held up a hand, "I say we leave it to the good people of the nation we founded- my lady, who do you deem worthy of the first ride?" They all looked expectantly at the lifeguard, who stared back incredulously.

"I don't give a royal fuck who goes first, but one of you get your ass in there before I have you all kicked out!"

"A just verdict," George nodded solemnly, then sighed. "Then, I conclude that I must accept the responsibility of this honor, as I accepted command of the continental army and first presidency in our country's time of need." He got in, and pushed off, leaving the other three watching.

"Such speed," John gasped.

"A marvellous invention," Ben mused, watching George breeze down the intricate slide.

Hamilton smirked at the lifeguard. "Want to declare independence from our clothes? Owwwowowow, okay, sorry-"

From their shady umbrella leagues below, Thomas and James watched Washington come down in the tube.

"Such an unflattering practice," Thomas murmured.

"What, riding a tube?" James asked.

"Yes, most definitively in that fucking loincloth," Thomas added.

Just then, the wave that George created upon impact with the water came splashing down over both men... leaving them soaked to the bone.

"Why did I leave Monticello?" Thomas asked the clouds. James began to cry.

After Alexander, Benjamin, and John all came down after George, they decided to return and pester the rest of their party to join. After much protest, Thomas conceded that he was already wet, so he might as well take Alexander's advice to "live a little". Madison, on the other hand, took quite the bribing... but eventually relented his opposition a little.

"I do regret to resign myself to rest for a little while," Ben told them, "I will hold down the fort, as it were, and munch happily on my tarts that await!"

"By your will," George nodded.

"Oh, we must go on the Big Daddy Falls," John exclaimed, "It says here that it allows up to five riders- marvellous!"

"They must have named this one after you, sir," Alexander laughed to George, and Madison began to shake as he was carried up the stairs. When they finally got to the top, they recognized a familiar face.

"Caroline! A pleasure to address you once more!" Benjamin smiled pleasantly. Caroline's jaw dropped.

"You have got to be kidd-"

"Good day, fair lady," Jefferson leaned against the post, smirking at her, "I know I'm not your first, but... I could be your... _third_?"

"Oh my g-"

"It's not the Louisiana purchase," he continued, sauntering a little closer, "But it still... _doubles_... _in_... _size_."

"Please-"

"You know what the only thing better than macaroni and cheese is?"

"Don't-"

"Macaroni and _me_." Before Thomas even had a chance to offer her a cheesy grin, she pushed him into the raft. Everyone else got in, and Jefferson crossed his arms petulantly.

"A valiant effort," John consoled him with a sympathetic smile. Alexander huddled up to Madison, officially in charge of his protection, and the raft was pushed down the giant slide.

"Ah! This is surprisingly fu-!" Thomas began, then got hit with a choking mouthful of water.

"Indeed," Alexander burst into heaving laughter, and Thomas glared back.

"S-so... f-fast..." James whispered, rocking back and forth.

"But it is a lovely time, is it not?" John asked.

"It reminds me of the time Dolley took me horseback riding..." James murmured, "Terrifying experience."

"Add some cheer to your demeanor, sir!" John shouted back over the rapids rushing by them, "'Tis a day that should be wholeheartedly celebrated!"

"Here, here," George grinned. Then they hit a bump, sending Madison flying out of the raft.

"Great shit," Alexander muttered. He had taken his arms off of James for _one_ damn second, and-

"Gracious, he is back there!" George called, and they all saw James hanging on to the edge of the slide for dear life.

"He is disappearing!" John shouted, reaching out, "We are moving too fast to turn back!"

"United we ride, or divided we sink, remember?" Alexander said, then mustered up the courage to jump out.

"Wait!" Thomas called, but Alex had already jumped out. "That idiot," the Virginian muttered, "The man thinks he can become a hero by jumping out of a moving raft to save our poor Madison. By all laws of nature-"

"By all laws of nature, _you're_ the idiot!" Alexander bit back, spitting water out of his mouth as he clambered back into the rushing raft, "Who here has a slave mistress?!"

"Are we going to have the mistress conversation again, Hamilton?" Thomas growled.

"Will this ride never end?!" John asked, and just then, they hit the water at the bottom.

"Someone must go back for him," George announced.  

They raced back up the stairs, and without waiting for Caroline to protest, Thomas made the poor last minute decision to jump head first.

"FOOL!" he heard Alexander call, but ignored the bastard orphan as he plummeted along the slide.

"J-Jefferson?!" James quaked as he saw Thomas rushing toward him.

"Let go and fall on me, Madison!" Thomas called, and, squeezing his eyes shut, James did so, letting Thomas catch him.

"You came back for me," James whimpered.

"Yes," Thomas chuckled, " _I_ came back for you, not Alexander."

"What?"

"Nothing."

When they got back, everyone began to celebrate James' safe return, and they retreated to their umbrella.

"Where is Mr. Franklin?" John asked, looking around in concern, "He expressed his intent to remain here and rest!"

"Apologies," Ben said from behind them, "I was having a jolly old time in the 'Rock 'n Roll Island'. If children so young could enjoy themselves to such an ecstatic extent, I arrived at the hypothesis that I, too, may enjoy."

"It sounds wonderful," John replied, eyes wide.

"'Twas indeed, sir. Perhaps pay it a visit later, and I shall accompany you  for a second visit."

"A delight it will be, I'm sure."

"I wish to try that," James suddenly said pointing to a sign, "The... Malibu Pipeline."

"You... wish to voluntarily participate in our riding adventures?" George asked, and Madison nodded timidly. George put a proud arm around him, which James promptly squirmed out of uncomfortably.

"Ha! You all have fun then," Thomas said, "I'll be reading my book, if it is not entirely damaged."

"Enjoy yourself," Ben nodded, and joined the group again, "To the Malibu Pipeline!"

" _Huzzah_!"

 The rest of the day was spent conquering every slide they could- when the park was beginning to close, there was only one they had not ridden.

"The Vanish Point," Ben narrowed his eyes up at the menacing beast of a slide, "It appears we have met our match, good sirs."

"A worthy adversary," George nodded grimly, "This slide reminds me of _Cornwallis_."

"Well... it has been nothing short of an honour serving the nation alongside you, my friends," John said, placing a hand over his heart as he, too, looked on.

"Let us fight with pride and bravery," Alexander whispered.

"To victory," James continued softly.

"To glory," Alexander added.

"To America," George concluded, and everyone put a fist in the air with a battle cry as they ran toward the stairs.

"No running," a teenaged guard deadpanned, watching the founding fathers charge up the steps. When they made it to the top, Caroline simply rolled her eyes with a rope in hand.

"We're closing."

"But-"

" _Closing_ , you psycho assholes."

"My lady," Benjamin tried cautiously, doling out the charm, "Look not into our eyes and see deception, for we wish only to ride this one last slide before retirement into the eve!"

"It is true," Alexander nodded.

"Please?" James squeaked, and Caroline frowned down at him.

"Who's this guy?"

"Won't you let us ride, madam?" John asked softly with an earnest nod, and Caroline sucked in a breath.

"Fuuuck. I don't want to endure all this only to get a bad Yelp review out of it, so let's get this over with."

The men cheered, and took their positions. It was one at a time on either side, so Alexander and Ben took position first, readying themselves for the imminent shock of cold water against their drying bodies. Quickly, they were shot down, and the next founders stepped up.

"I can hear Alexander's screams," James shivered, wrapping his arms around his bony little body as he stood at the ready.

"Best not mention them," John whispered, "Hamilton's pride and ego are as delicate as his views on matrimon- aaAAAAAHHH!"

John and James went dropping down the slide, and George finally stepped up.

"I bid you goodnight, madam," George told Caroline, "I pray that you did enjoy this day as much as my comrades and I did." Caroline's face softened a little.

"I'll be honest with you. I hate my job, and today was weird as fuck. But..." she shrugged, "I need a rebound, so-" She leaned forward, and kissed him.

"Great Godly-" Washington began to stammer as she pulled away, but she sent the floor sliding out, and he went flying down as well.

All emerging in laughter and high spirits, the five founders returned to Thomas with large smiles.

"A pity you didn't join us, Mr. Jefferson," Benjamin teased, "Stories will be told for years to come of the great Battle of Vanish Point!"

"We certainly fought hard against the great beast!" John joined in.

"Yes, well I have my own beasts to overcome," Thomas replied, tucking his book away, "Like how to sponge wash vomit out of clothing." Everyone groaned as they saw Madison throwing up on their bags. "Evidently, not everyone made it out of the battle unscathed, gentlemen," Thomas went on with a smirk, "Now until next time, I suggest we dry off and bask in the spoils of our day at the snack bar."

"HERE, HERE!" Benjamin shouted, and led the dripping, rowdy bunch in pursuit of more pop tarts and probably a lot of beer as well.


End file.
